Thai- Troubled by Heather Mar-Gerrison

Author:Heather Mar-Gerrison [Mar-Gerrison, Heather]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-05-30T16:00:00+00:00

*

“Quentin? Are you still here?”

It sounded faintly reprimanding and I felt myself blushing, feeling foolish. I raised my face from his bed, “Uh, yeah,” I said, “I didn’t want to leave you.”

He smiled, his face thinner with the illness and yet still hauntingly beautiful, “Always so thoughtful.” He said, “But don’t waste time, Quentin. I’ll be gone soon – and I don’t want you to be alone.”

I shrugged. He might not be so benevolent if he knew that I wasn’t always alone. But I didn’t want to even think about what I’d done with Thai a couple of nights ago. Thai was right. I hadn’t cheated on Arthur, because he’d never made me his – but it was still the way I saw it – and when he needed me the most, too. I felt worse than disgusting. I was utter scum.

“And Quentin,” He smiled sadly, “Don’t feel guilty for needing love. I’ve a confession to make. I asked your young man to come and see me.”

I stared at him in horror, “What?” I whispered, as a feeling of utter self-loathing flooding through me.

He nodded, “I didn’t realise he was the young man with the Porsche.” He said conversationally, “Good choice there, Quentin,” he said, “He’s big and strong and he’ll have no trouble looking after you.”

I blinked, “B-but… are you not angry with me?”

He shook his head, “How could I be angry with you for craving someone’s love when I starved you of affection and love for all those years? What sort of a man would it make me not to want for you to have love?”

“But I wanted love with you.” I sobbed, all the hurt and frustration I’d been feeling for as long as I could remember bubbling to the surface, “I was in love with you right from the start – but you shut me down.”

He nodded sadly, “I know I did. I was a fool.” He said, “I thought if I could just keep things simple, we would both be better off – and now it’s too late. I’m going to die – in a few days if I’m really lucky... If I could do it all over again, please believe me when I say that I’d do it so differently.”

I let out a sob. “I love you so much, Arthur. I’ll always love you.”

He nodded and smiled, “I love you too, you beautiful, beautiful boy.” He started to cough and I waited for him to recover. “I fell in love with you the day we met. I don’t know why I waited until I was dying to tell you...”

That was the cruellest part about it. I could understand him waiting until I was eighteen so we could tell people that I was a fully consenting adult... but my eighteenth birthday came and went, and all of my hopes and dreams of us getting married and having a life together went with it. He was never going to see me any differently than the kid he’d picked up off the streets.

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